That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
