I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize