At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
