You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
