I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
