Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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