Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
