So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
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Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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