Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
