I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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