Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
