one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
