the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
