she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
