just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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