I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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