you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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