She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
