so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
