It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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