if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just found puke in my bra..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
