We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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