Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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