Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
