i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize