i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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