I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
