WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
