i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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