Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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