and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
