1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
