We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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