Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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