She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
