There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
