Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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