I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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