If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
