Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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