i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
