Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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