does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
