Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
love makes seman taste better
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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