I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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