It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
