She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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