I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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