just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
