I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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