it was like his penis was on wheels.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
