Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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