i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
