it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
