She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
