the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
