before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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