Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
