Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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