I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
