I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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