i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Alive.
So much puke
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
