Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
