she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
