If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
