More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My bed smells like the plague
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
