Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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