She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
