I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
