Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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