I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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