Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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