His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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