I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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