i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
