Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize