I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
