Taylor Swift is so right about you.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ketchup is God's man juice
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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