The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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