Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
