This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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