It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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