fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
