Little spoons don't ask big questions
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
