It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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