We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
